Apparently, that’s my word: gratification.
I know you won’t find this definition in any real dictionary, but the AMB Unabridged 🙂 definition is this: it’s a contraction that combines Grateful and Satisfaction. I’m grateful and I’m satisfied.
Does that mean that my life is perfect – um, hell no! Does that mean that there’s nothing that I lack – again with the resounding no! Does it mean that nothing ever gets me down – you’ve probably already guessed my answer.
What it does mean is that I have learned that whatever state I find myself in – I am content. No really, it’s not just a scripture to me – it’s my life. I am both hungry for more of the good things in life and satisfied with the things that I have.
Some people accuse me of being an idealist, or overly optimistic. They say I’m a “glass half full” person, or I look at the world through rose-colored glasses. The Smiley Face has become my own personal logo. My friends have a near Pavlovian association between me and smileys. They see that yellow circle and bark out “Anessa!” without thought or reason. On the one hand, it’s very endearing – on the other, it can become rather patronizing.
I suppose if you never bother to look beyond the happy face that I wear, you’d never see the deep scars and old wounds that have, in many ways, become the source of my joy. To me it’s like the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears. She had been forgiven much, and because she was so aware of her need for mercy, she was that much more thankful of the mercy she had been given. People who have never hurt aren’t as content with being pain-free as those who have lived with serious pain. People who have never been in want aren’t as content with getting by from pay check to paycheck as someone who has lived in poverty not knowing when they’ll have their next meal. If you’ve never held a $100 bill and someone walked up and gave you one – you’d be more grateful and satisfied with that bill than someone who had 4 just like it in their wallet. But, at the same time, you won’t want that to be the last $100 you ever have!
So, I guess I’ll keep my smiles 🙂 and continue to not worry about what others think of my rose-colored life! I’ve got some serious gratification going on in my life – and that’s just fine with me!
Filed under: Self-reflection |